your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
