There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
