Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How external is "for external use only"?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
