yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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