drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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