I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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