i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
