What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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