Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
