well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
