you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Drake has all the answers
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
