she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
