So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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