There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
