I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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