new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
