1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
