just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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