Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have already put on my inside pants.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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