She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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