He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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