OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
