I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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