I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
