Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
