Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
