Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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