Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize