nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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