I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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