I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
