okay pat passed out under dana's car
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
