and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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