thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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