Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
