my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
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