I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
