fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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