i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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