ADVERTISEMENT

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  pussy has no personality

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Amen to that

  Fav 17 3106 949

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was like getting a handjob from robocop

  Fav 15 1266 4336

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.

  Fav 27 1389 8955

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night

  Fav 11 2764 1261

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?

  Fav 8 1043 1444

  share tweet
  

• (208): View more from Idaho

  well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.

  Fav 5 1444 694

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.

  Fav 13 910 1090

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.

  Fav 2 922 564

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls

  Fav 5 954 576

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month

  Fav 1 663 394

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.

  Fav 3 711 881

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (708): View more from Illinois

  This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.

  Fav 1 263 171

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel

  Fav 1 233 169

  share tweet
  

• (661): View more from California

  All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.

  Fav 0 113 47

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (801): View more from Utah

  Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?

  Fav 2 57 13

  share tweet
  

Randomize