I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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