Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.