no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
