Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
