I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
