Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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