there's paper in my vomit.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
