the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
