im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
