In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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