my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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