I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
