Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
