my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
