you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
