my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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