i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
