Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
