pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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