Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
did you just send me my own nude
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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