Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
