I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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