Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
two words: eviction party
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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