how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
