he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
