can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
